Friday, May 20, 2005
whew...its been a long time since ive updated...ive been very bz nowadays (not to mention my sickness...but its healed and all now, yay) coz of my exams...but its over, all over! we even got back some of our results...but mine were very bad...a lot of them fail...damn...if this goes on, how am i gonna do well in my o levels?!?! haiz...
nowadays, my artist block is coming and going at a very irregular basis...i only managed to squeeze my brain out on a drawing today...its not very gd, but haiz...its always better than nothing...i'll post it up on dA after ive coloured it, so do check for updates! :)
im currently saving up money, but dunno for wad...i wanted to buy a gd tablet, but gd ones always cost a bomb and i'll have to take a long time in order to save enough, and my brother said dat i'll get a gd tablet if i can get into IMD...hope hes right about dat...
i wanted to buy comics wif the money too, but come to tink of it, comics are kinda a waste of money...imagine...5 bucks for each comic book! haiz...
oh well...guess i have to put all these aside for now and concentrate on my studies...i need to get to IMD! i need to get a gd computer and tablet! i need to work as a manga-ka! sore dewa, ore no yume dato!!!
dreaming,
dempster
* I miss you * | 9:01 PM | comment?
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
ok...im so sick now...im actually supposed to be in school now having my commmon tests, but im too sick to do anything...haiz...
ok...im feeling kinda unwell now...gtg...
sick,
dempster
* I miss you * | 9:54 AM | comment?
Friday, May 06, 2005
KYAAA!!! im SOOOO dead for chinese!!! sob...
today i tried my best studying for chinese (and for ur info, i studied only the sec 4 chinese) even though i slept in a maths class and even chinese class itself...i was really too tired...the coffee has already lost its effect on me...
wad i did not noe was...almost every single qn did not come out from the sec 4 syllabus!!! im such an idiot for not studying for sec 1 to 3!!! oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh.............
but look on the bright side dempster! year 2005 is the only year ur classmates "celebrated" ur birthday! and look! u managed to draw on ur qn paper during chinese common test!
ok, dat was my alter ego...but haha...im right :)
im so happy today...really happy :)
happy,
dempster
* I miss you * | 6:51 PM | comment?
Thursday, May 05, 2005
oh my gosh...im sooooooooo dead for social studies...
i didnt study much for ss, and i wrote a lot of crap in it too...none of my answers exceed a page, and both my seq answers are around half a page...im really sooooo dead...
but look on the bright side...its already over! wohoo! 2 down, 6 more to go...
tml is chinese paper 2...if i dun study for this one, then i really have nothing to say...
gd news is...my artist block is slowly going away! i was able to draw quite a number (but not very good) of stuffs today, but all are sonic-related...haha...but hey, its still an improvement isnt it? hehe...
hope this will go on, and eventually my period of artist block madness will be over, and i can finally start drawing like crazy! wohoo!
okok, im lame...haha...
today wasnt very gd either...i got drenched in the rain! although not very much, but im still drenched! i hope i wun get sick tml...haiz...
tired,
dempster
* I miss you * | 7:07 PM | comment?
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
so damn tired...haiz...
exams have already started...i juz had my english paper 1...1 subject down, 6 more to go...tml is social studies...wad am i gonna do...???
haiz...i need my coffee...
putting dat aside...im now totally confused...first of all...recently my inspiration on drawing suddenly disappeared, and i found my self wasting more papers dat i usually did...i guess this is wad ppl call it as "artist block"..but then...y at a time like this? issit because of the stress i had wif exams? issit my lack of animanga research dat got me into this? wad is the reason...
not only dat...nowadays for some unknown reason i feel dat sandra is starting to give me a cold shoulder...i dunno whether msn is her alter ego or wadsoever, but in real life too...haiz...i really hope dat things between us would get better...really...i dun wanna lose another friend anymore...my friends are...precious to me...and i dun wanna lose any one of them...especially the ones i love a lot...
haiz...i juz hope i get over the damn common tests and get my coffee...hm...mebbe i'll drink a can tml for a change...haha...
super tired and stressed,
dempster
* I miss you * | 5:27 PM | comment?
Monday, May 02, 2005
New Layout! haha...i got tired of the mgs skin, so i searched blogskins for a nice, soothing skin, and i found this...the navigations are not very gd, but of well...hope it works for the whole of may...
may...its my birthday month...hehe...my birthday is on 6th may...which is 4 days later...oya, today is shuqi's birthday...happy birthday, shuqi! hehe...
common tests (i dunno y they wanna call it common tests, but nvm...) are around the corner...in fact, it already has started...next one is i tink social studies on wednesday...testing on everthing in sec 3 and until chap 3 on sec 4 and all the skills we've learned...omg! ive not started revising yet!
urrg...nvm...i cant say "die then die lor...", so instead im gonna say "i'll do my best!" hehe...
i went for service on saturday...ok...i really felt i dun wanna go back there again...it..sorta gives me the creeps...i dunno y, but i felt left out in there...although i do feel welcomed by Pastor Darick, but still...haiz...gosh...wad am i gonna do..
anyway, for those who have not gone to my deviant art page, please do so! hopefully one responsible soul can print screen the 100 pageview and show me so i can draw out a festival artwork for u! thanks a lot! link is at the "Links" section. its name is quite obvious, so its hard for u to miss it.
to every single sec 4 candidate out there, good luck for ur upcoming prelims and o levels!
to every single fellow 4Unity classmate, good luck in everything and may our bond never perish! hooray for 4U!!!
okok, im being lame...haha...
bored,
dempster
* I miss you * | 2:45 PM | comment?
Thursday, April 28, 2005
haiz...nowadays so damn tired...mebbe its the side effects of the lack of caffeine intake...must...need...coffee...
but no! i already said to myself not to drink coffee for at least a month! haiz...
now is the period of common tests...its so irritating, to have to be forced to stay back for some kind of examination which didnt really concern our year end results...in fact, it just made matters worse...wad the hell...
not only dat...i also began to show signs of lack of artistic inspiration...recently i did nothing but juz stare in space during a maths class, wondering wad to draw...when i finally thought i had the inspiration to draw, everything juz disappeared again...and i had to stare into space again to wonder wad the heck am i gonna draw...grr...y is this happening to me???
i guess i will never noe...haiz...
P.S. oya, go check out my deviant art space...its http://ryodo89.deviantart.com. thanks!
tired,
dempster
* I miss you * | 9:14 PM | comment?
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Spirited away - Itsumo nando demo
- by Kimura Yumi
yondeiru muneno dokoka okude
itsumo kokoro odoru yume wo mitai
kanashimi wa kazoe kirenai keredo
sono mukoude kitto anataniaeru
kurikaesu ayamachi no sonotabi hito wa
tada aoi sora no aosawo shiru
hateshinaku michiwatsuzuite mieru keredo
kono ryoute wa hikariwo idakeru
sayonara no tokino shizukanamune
zeroni narukaradaga mimiwo sumaseru
ikiteiru fushigi shindeiku fushigi
hana mo kaze mo machi mo minnaonaji
yondeiru muneno dokoka okude
itsumo nando demo yumewo egakou
kanashimi no kazuwo iitsuku suyori
onaji kuchibiru de sotto utaou
tojiteiku omoideno sononakani itsumo
wasuretakunai sasayakiwo kiku
kona gonani kudakareta kagami no uenimo
atarashii keshiki ga utsusareru
hajimari no asa(no) shizukana mado
zeroni narukarada mitasarete yuke
umi no kanatani wa mou sagasanai
kagayaku monowa itsumo kokoni
watashi no nakani mitsukeraretakara
---A very peaceful song...those who have watched the movie should now this song very well...this song keeps my mind off the stress i currently have...very...soothing...
relaxed for the moment,
dempster
* I miss you * | 9:18 PM | comment?
Monday, April 25, 2005
pretending is so hard...it makes me...even more sad...
i was depressed today, as usual, but i had to keep on smiling in order to pull a mask over my face...a mask called "happy" to cover something called "sad"...its painful when u tink of smiling even though ure sad, but come to tink of it...when i laugh, i do feel happy and forgot about anything sad...but when its over, it all comes back to me again...haiz...life...
all i can say is...once ive reached my limit of depression, i will break down...like the way i did on march 17...but i swore...i will not cry anymore...even though dats hard for me, i still managed to strive on...
things are getting slightly better now...if this goes on a month later, i can say dat the old and rebellious dempster is dead in this world, but wad came to life is a happy and outgoing dempster...even if dats the case...who will accept me? i dunno if they will accept me for who i am, or who i was...
"souriez!" "dun tink too much" these are the words my trusted companions said to me...indeed, thanks to them, i really have become slightly happier and able to concentrate better on the things i wanna do...(although i almost slept during english class today, but dat was an exception XD) anyway...thank you...
Buddha, please to give my family a healthier life...please allow my mum to be free from cervic cancer and live on longer...please allow my dad to be free from heart attacks...please guide my brother, sister and i to a better industrial life and earn more than wad we earned now...please...allow me to go on with my school life smoothly and finish o levels...amitabha.
slightly happier & letting go,
dempster
* I miss you * | 6:14 PM | comment?
Saturday, April 23, 2005
life. its not juz as simple as many ppl tink. sure, a lot of ppl wanna live easy lives, but however easy they want it to be, they still have to go through the hard times.
for me, these are the hard and rough obstacles i have to get through:
1. the o levels, have to study hard and at least get the grade i want so i can get into the poly i want.
2. secondary school life. i noe some ppl care for me, but others? oh well...jus...get over wif it.
3. change my personality. i understand a lot dat my current attitude and personality irritates many. its time to be happy and souriez!
after all these, i can finally settle down and start on the things i love to do the most: drawing! not to forget my website too...
letting go,
dempster
* I miss you * | 10:33 PM | comment?
Friday, April 22, 2005
betrayed. i am so betrayed.
i thought i would be happy joining the adc, and would be so happy meeting tomozaki hidenori, and able to learn more stuffs...but this was all a lie. it was a lie dat taught me never to trust anyone anymore.
heres wad i uncovered:
-the adc did not represent anime drawing convention, but instead anti-dempster club. i was freaking angry when i heard this.
-tomozaki hidenori did not exist at all. it was juz a name dat they made up. no wonder there were no results when i typed dat in...
-the email addresses were created by them, all juz to lure me into joining something which i didnt noe was an organisation against me in disguise.
-my drawing talents, which are my strenghths, have been used as weakness against me.
-all of the ppl inside are juz smiling but deep within, there are knives ready to backstab me.
gifford lim ziyong, alex ho boon hwee, akapong lewchaleamwong, daniel ho canyi, and daryl quek zhiqin, u all have betrayed me and made a huge scar in my heart. i will never forget u guys. i will kill you all.
sandra, uve been proven wrong. they dun love me at all. they are juz shedding crocodile tears. unless u are one of them, i will still trust u.
i am disappointed. sad. depressed. betrayed. this proves one thing.
i am alone, and will forever be alone. no frens, but enemies. theres no one i can trust.
depressed, sad, betrayed,
demspster
* I miss you * | 2:37 PM | comment?
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
did i ever say dat a dog's bark is worse than its bite? yup, dats it. this summarises my day.
depressed, lonely, pissed off,
dempster
* I miss you * | 3:15 PM | comment?
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
its time to get serious.
* I miss you * | 8:55 PM | comment?
Monday, April 18, 2005
I have something to announce...
*ahem*
...
I...
I got chosen as the contingent leader for the ADC in the Temasek Section!!!
i cant believe...my hard work really really REALLY paid off after all!
i cant wait to see Tomozaki Hidenori in person! so excited! wohoo!
happy, but at the same time depressed,
dempster
* I miss you * | 9:33 PM | comment?
gosh...today really sux...i got pissed off by a number of things...
1. ppl say ive been hallucinating in class when im actually not...i mean, wads their problem toking about someone like this? if they dunno anything about hallucination, then lay off! urrg...i juz hate this...even if i really DO hallucinate, its none of ur freaking business...yes, shaun lin, im toking about u...if u tink im hallucinating, then keep the damn comments to urself and go away...its not as if i want u to hear wad im toking about anyway...
2. the auntie in the bookshop claims dat the geog textbook is not here yet, and dat pisses me off a lot...i ordered it last wednesday, and up till now, ive not even got the damn book yet...and the bad thing is, today IS the geog test, but how am i gonna study for it when i dun even have the freaking textbook?! urrg...now dat its already over, i really feel like breaking the neck of the person who stole my book for no apparent reason...
3. daniel and akapong have been badmouthing me lately...i mean, come on, do u ever wanna be badmouthed in the first place? first they tok about me in front of my face, and when i tell them dun, they juz go far away from me and do it...wads ur freaking problem?? keep the comments to urself ok? imagine wad happenes when someone tok bad about u...u like it? of coz not rite? since u noe it, then dun f***ing do it! and another thing, dun say "u dunno anything" when u didnt even explain a damn thing at all...dun expect me to noe wad ure toking about all the time...if u noe im depressed and all and still wanna make fun of me, then f*** off.
oya, a note...kenneth, thnx so much for so called "defending" me today...i owe u one...
my life juz sux huh...
depressed,
dempster
* I miss you * | 4:13 PM | comment?
Sunday, April 17, 2005
some assholes have been spamming my tagboard...and they tink i dunno who they are...i dun wanna mention names here, but im gonna give them a good snap in the neck...i swear...
anyway, heck about these bastards...watched one piece today...sad to say, its getting more and more boring...its taking too long and up till now they have not even left the drum island yet...urrg...kids central sux...
on the contrary, though, arts central is becoming my in thing...now dat they feature animes for an hour at night on wednesdays to fridays, ive been staying up late juz to watch them...now they're showing last exile and shaman king...the quality is wayyyyyyyy better than dat of kids central's...original japanese version, along wif subtitles...while kids central's so called "animes" are dubbed in an uber bad way and there are no duals sounds or subtitles or wadsoever shit...now u see y i hate kids central...
okok, enough tok about animes...ive got a pile of newspaper articles i have to do, and i have to hand them in on tuesday...2 more days...haiz...im sooooo dead...
depressed,
dempster
* I miss you * | 1:12 PM | comment?
Saturday, April 16, 2005
the tagboard is back, after much tinking...i juz hope dat some irresponsible assholes wun ever impersonate as me and spam the damn tagboard...hey...i juz wanna have a peaceful blog...and u guys juz have to destroy it! urrg...
anyway...watch gundam seed today...its the last episode, and unlike the previous times i watched on the com, i cried a lil...the ending is juz...too touching not to cry...oh well...i am getting more and more softhearted...damn...
the ADC has chosen akapong and i as the contingent leaders...wohoo! my hard work really paid off after all...
my homework......wait...my homework...wad about my homework???
never mind about it, i guess......
depressed,
dempster
* I miss you * | 5:45 PM | comment?
Friday, April 15, 2005
life...has it always been gd? or bad...
today is wad i categorise as one of the most suckiest days in my life...y? first of all, im stuck at home for long hours wondering wad to do...yes, im freaking bored...even the set of saiyuki reload vcds didnt help me one bit...i juz fell asleep...
i had no one to go out wif tml, and dat makes things even worse...dat means dat i have to stay at this god-forsaken home doing all the stupid homeworks i have, and i have to listen to my mum nagging at me...i noe she cares for me, but urrg...sometimes i juz cant take it...
however, sometimes i do wonder...do i ever have the right to exist in this world, in this small little island called singapore? if so...then y issit dat wherever i go, ppl despise me or give me the stare i never wanna be given? y issit dat ppl always love to drag me into a corner and leave me there to rot? y is the society now so cold? y cant they give ppl a chance at least to prove themselves? haiz...this is one thing i will never noe...
now dat im stuck at home, i really dunno wad to do...i wun ever touch my hw coz i noe i'll leave them alone eventually...i juz dun like to do hw...it completely contradicts the purpose of homework time...give us homework time in the end still want us to do hw at home...wad the hell...
whenever i sit down and tink, it all comes back to me again...the qns i have in life...the outcomes of the mistakes i made...the way ppl treat me...they all haunt my mind...i am able to sleep, but not without dreams...and my dreams always have to be weird, but pessimistic...
depression is really taking its toll on me now...not even the world's best tranquilisers wil work on me...life...really sucks...
very depressed,
dempster
* I miss you * | 9:31 PM | comment?
Thursday, April 14, 2005
damn, the coffee is starting to lose its effect on me...now how am i gonna keep myself awake? haiz...
today was quite a tiring day...juz another boring daily routine in my life...first off was a maths...since i dropped a maths, i used this time to chiong my zuo ye...copy frolm my fren...blehz...love it too, coz its another time i can listen to mp3 apart from homework time...hehe...
next up was chemistry...haiz, can sleep one siaz...ok, skip this...
then its chinese...one period, but theres a lot to do...i was happy i finished my zuo ye before chinese, but my zao ju havent finish yet...left wif 1 stack..haiz...have to hand in tml some more...sianz...
ok, then its recess (ahh..finally...) im rather stuck up wif coffee recently, i always go to the "holy" vending machine located at the back of school canteen and bought a can of "blue mountain blend coffee"...i love it when its cold ^-^
after dat english...hm...did nothing much but oral...dats all...no choice, my oral too gd..haha, no lah...
then its the oh-my-gosh geog class...thought it was hell for me since i lost my textbook, but it turned out to be fun...especially when we got a chance to plant some sawi seeds using hydroponics...my rahman even wrote "we love sawi" on one of the cups...it was so hilarious...but wads the sad thing is dat we have to wait for 6 to 7 days in order to see some seedlings come out (seedlings some more...) haha...
finally, history...juz another lesson, no diff...mrs verma went over the skills on compare and contrast all over again (which was really redundant since ms neo recent taught us dat...haiz...mere regurgitation...haha...)
then its homework time...physics time was kinda boring since i didnt wanna do the hw, so i started drawing...but its not complete yet thanks to the chemistry time which was 45 minutes later...grr...ms woon always takes away my drawing time...
so in the end no choice...have to finish the worksheets mr eng and ms woon gave us...and i have to complete my drawing by today so i wun have to worry about losing inspiration...haiz..
super bz,
dempster
* I miss you * | 7:33 PM | comment?
Monday, April 11, 2005
i promised at my previous entry dat i would write about my dream here...but before dat..i have things to share...haha...
go to this link...its an album of the pictures i took from the internet and when i went out on saturday...
now...for the dream...
its a real weird dream, actually...i dunno, but its something like a scene from metal gear solid 2...i was hiding from the attacks the ninja delivered to me...then...it turned out dat the ninja seemed familiar...its like someone i noe of...but i had no choice...i had to kill him...in the end, the ninja was actually my brother...then...he kept slashing my wif his blade...i could feel the pain, but it wasnt bleeding at all...then...i took the blade from him, and plunged it all the way into him from the top of the back of his neck...not much blood came out, but he still died...i had no choice...he was after my life...when i held him, he slowly disappeared into thin air...dats when i cried bitterly...in my dream...and in real life...i even wet my pillow wif my tears...but no one knew about this...
life...really is cruel...isnt it...
depressed,
dempster
* I miss you * | 6:52 PM | comment?
Friday, May 20, 2005
whew...its been a long time since ive updated...ive been very bz nowadays (not to mention my sickness...but its healed and all now, yay) coz of my exams...but its over, all over! we even got back some of our results...but mine were very bad...a lot of them fail...damn...if this goes on, how am i gonna do well in my o levels?!?! haiz...
nowadays, my artist block is coming and going at a very irregular basis...i only managed to squeeze my brain out on a drawing today...its not very gd, but haiz...its always better than nothing...i'll post it up on dA after ive coloured it, so do check for updates! :)
im currently saving up money, but dunno for wad...i wanted to buy a gd tablet, but gd ones always cost a bomb and i'll have to take a long time in order to save enough, and my brother said dat i'll get a gd tablet if i can get into IMD...hope hes right about dat...
i wanted to buy comics wif the money too, but come to tink of it, comics are kinda a waste of money...imagine...5 bucks for each comic book! haiz...
oh well...guess i have to put all these aside for now and concentrate on my studies...i need to get to IMD! i need to get a gd computer and tablet! i need to work as a manga-ka! sore dewa, ore no yume dato!!!
dreaming,
dempster
* I miss you * | 9:01 PM | comment?
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
ok...im so sick now...im actually supposed to be in school now having my commmon tests, but im too sick to do anything...haiz...
ok...im feeling kinda unwell now...gtg...
sick,
dempster
* I miss you * | 9:54 AM | comment?
Friday, May 06, 2005
KYAAA!!! im SOOOO dead for chinese!!! sob...
today i tried my best studying for chinese (and for ur info, i studied only the sec 4 chinese) even though i slept in a maths class and even chinese class itself...i was really too tired...the coffee has already lost its effect on me...
wad i did not noe was...almost every single qn did not come out from the sec 4 syllabus!!! im such an idiot for not studying for sec 1 to 3!!! oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh.............
but look on the bright side dempster! year 2005 is the only year ur classmates "celebrated" ur birthday! and look! u managed to draw on ur qn paper during chinese common test!
ok, dat was my alter ego...but haha...im right :)
im so happy today...really happy :)
happy,
dempster
* I miss you * | 6:51 PM | comment?
Thursday, May 05, 2005
oh my gosh...im sooooooooo dead for social studies...
i didnt study much for ss, and i wrote a lot of crap in it too...none of my answers exceed a page, and both my seq answers are around half a page...im really sooooo dead...
but look on the bright side...its already over! wohoo! 2 down, 6 more to go...
tml is chinese paper 2...if i dun study for this one, then i really have nothing to say...
gd news is...my artist block is slowly going away! i was able to draw quite a number (but not very good) of stuffs today, but all are sonic-related...haha...but hey, its still an improvement isnt it? hehe...
hope this will go on, and eventually my period of artist block madness will be over, and i can finally start drawing like crazy! wohoo!
okok, im lame...haha...
today wasnt very gd either...i got drenched in the rain! although not very much, but im still drenched! i hope i wun get sick tml...haiz...
tired,
dempster
* I miss you * | 7:07 PM | comment?
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
so damn tired...haiz...
exams have already started...i juz had my english paper 1...1 subject down, 6 more to go...tml is social studies...wad am i gonna do...???
haiz...i need my coffee...
putting dat aside...im now totally confused...first of all...recently my inspiration on drawing suddenly disappeared, and i found my self wasting more papers dat i usually did...i guess this is wad ppl call it as "artist block"..but then...y at a time like this? issit because of the stress i had wif exams? issit my lack of animanga research dat got me into this? wad is the reason...
not only dat...nowadays for some unknown reason i feel dat sandra is starting to give me a cold shoulder...i dunno whether msn is her alter ego or wadsoever, but in real life too...haiz...i really hope dat things between us would get better...really...i dun wanna lose another friend anymore...my friends are...precious to me...and i dun wanna lose any one of them...especially the ones i love a lot...
haiz...i juz hope i get over the damn common tests and get my coffee...hm...mebbe i'll drink a can tml for a change...haha...
super tired and stressed,
dempster
* I miss you * | 5:27 PM | comment?
Monday, May 02, 2005
New Layout! haha...i got tired of the mgs skin, so i searched blogskins for a nice, soothing skin, and i found this...the navigations are not very gd, but of well...hope it works for the whole of may...
may...its my birthday month...hehe...my birthday is on 6th may...which is 4 days later...oya, today is shuqi's birthday...happy birthday, shuqi! hehe...
common tests (i dunno y they wanna call it common tests, but nvm...) are around the corner...in fact, it already has started...next one is i tink social studies on wednesday...testing on everthing in sec 3 and until chap 3 on sec 4 and all the skills we've learned...omg! ive not started revising yet!
urrg...nvm...i cant say "die then die lor...", so instead im gonna say "i'll do my best!" hehe...
i went for service on saturday...ok...i really felt i dun wanna go back there again...it..sorta gives me the creeps...i dunno y, but i felt left out in there...although i do feel welcomed by Pastor Darick, but still...haiz...gosh...wad am i gonna do..
anyway, for those who have not gone to my deviant art page, please do so! hopefully one responsible soul can print screen the 100 pageview and show me so i can draw out a festival artwork for u! thanks a lot! link is at the "Links" section. its name is quite obvious, so its hard for u to miss it.
to every single sec 4 candidate out there, good luck for ur upcoming prelims and o levels!
to every single fellow 4Unity classmate, good luck in everything and may our bond never perish! hooray for 4U!!!
okok, im being lame...haha...
bored,
dempster
* I miss you * | 2:45 PM | comment?
Thursday, April 28, 2005
haiz...nowadays so damn tired...mebbe its the side effects of the lack of caffeine intake...must...need...coffee...
but no! i already said to myself not to drink coffee for at least a month! haiz...
now is the period of common tests...its so irritating, to have to be forced to stay back for some kind of examination which didnt really concern our year end results...in fact, it just made matters worse...wad the hell...
not only dat...i also began to show signs of lack of artistic inspiration...recently i did nothing but juz stare in space during a maths class, wondering wad to draw...when i finally thought i had the inspiration to draw, everything juz disappeared again...and i had to stare into space again to wonder wad the heck am i gonna draw...grr...y is this happening to me???
i guess i will never noe...haiz...
P.S. oya, go check out my deviant art space...its http://ryodo89.deviantart.com. thanks!
tired,
dempster
* I miss you * | 9:14 PM | comment?
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Spirited away - Itsumo nando demo
- by Kimura Yumi
yondeiru muneno dokoka okude
itsumo kokoro odoru yume wo mitai
kanashimi wa kazoe kirenai keredo
sono mukoude kitto anataniaeru
kurikaesu ayamachi no sonotabi hito wa
tada aoi sora no aosawo shiru
hateshinaku michiwatsuzuite mieru keredo
kono ryoute wa hikariwo idakeru
sayonara no tokino shizukanamune
zeroni narukaradaga mimiwo sumaseru
ikiteiru fushigi shindeiku fushigi
hana mo kaze mo machi mo minnaonaji
yondeiru muneno dokoka okude
itsumo nando demo yumewo egakou
kanashimi no kazuwo iitsuku suyori
onaji kuchibiru de sotto utaou
tojiteiku omoideno sononakani itsumo
wasuretakunai sasayakiwo kiku
kona gonani kudakareta kagami no uenimo
atarashii keshiki ga utsusareru
hajimari no asa(no) shizukana mado
zeroni narukarada mitasarete yuke
umi no kanatani wa mou sagasanai
kagayaku monowa itsumo kokoni
watashi no nakani mitsukeraretakara
---A very peaceful song...those who have watched the movie should now this song very well...this song keeps my mind off the stress i currently have...very...soothing...
relaxed for the moment,
dempster
* I miss you * | 9:18 PM | comment?
Monday, April 25, 2005
pretending is so hard...it makes me...even more sad...
i was depressed today, as usual, but i had to keep on smiling in order to pull a mask over my face...a mask called "happy" to cover something called "sad"...its painful when u tink of smiling even though ure sad, but come to tink of it...when i laugh, i do feel happy and forgot about anything sad...but when its over, it all comes back to me again...haiz...life...
all i can say is...once ive reached my limit of depression, i will break down...like the way i did on march 17...but i swore...i will not cry anymore...even though dats hard for me, i still managed to strive on...
things are getting slightly better now...if this goes on a month later, i can say dat the old and rebellious dempster is dead in this world, but wad came to life is a happy and outgoing dempster...even if dats the case...who will accept me? i dunno if they will accept me for who i am, or who i was...
"souriez!" "dun tink too much" these are the words my trusted companions said to me...indeed, thanks to them, i really have become slightly happier and able to concentrate better on the things i wanna do...(although i almost slept during english class today, but dat was an exception XD) anyway...thank you...
Buddha, please to give my family a healthier life...please allow my mum to be free from cervic cancer and live on longer...please allow my dad to be free from heart attacks...please guide my brother, sister and i to a better industrial life and earn more than wad we earned now...please...allow me to go on with my school life smoothly and finish o levels...amitabha.
slightly happier & letting go,
dempster
* I miss you * | 6:14 PM | comment?
Saturday, April 23, 2005
life. its not juz as simple as many ppl tink. sure, a lot of ppl wanna live easy lives, but however easy they want it to be, they still have to go through the hard times.
for me, these are the hard and rough obstacles i have to get through:
1. the o levels, have to study hard and at least get the grade i want so i can get into the poly i want.
2. secondary school life. i noe some ppl care for me, but others? oh well...jus...get over wif it.
3. change my personality. i understand a lot dat my current attitude and personality irritates many. its time to be happy and souriez!
after all these, i can finally settle down and start on the things i love to do the most: drawing! not to forget my website too...
letting go,
dempster
* I miss you * | 10:33 PM | comment?
Friday, April 22, 2005
betrayed. i am so betrayed.
i thought i would be happy joining the adc, and would be so happy meeting tomozaki hidenori, and able to learn more stuffs...but this was all a lie. it was a lie dat taught me never to trust anyone anymore.
heres wad i uncovered:
-the adc did not represent anime drawing convention, but instead anti-dempster club. i was freaking angry when i heard this.
-tomozaki hidenori did not exist at all. it was juz a name dat they made up. no wonder there were no results when i typed dat in...
-the email addresses were created by them, all juz to lure me into joining something which i didnt noe was an organisation against me in disguise.
-my drawing talents, which are my strenghths, have been used as weakness against me.
-all of the ppl inside are juz smiling but deep within, there are knives ready to backstab me.
gifford lim ziyong, alex ho boon hwee, akapong lewchaleamwong, daniel ho canyi, and daryl quek zhiqin, u all have betrayed me and made a huge scar in my heart. i will never forget u guys. i will kill you all.
sandra, uve been proven wrong. they dun love me at all. they are juz shedding crocodile tears. unless u are one of them, i will still trust u.
i am disappointed. sad. depressed. betrayed. this proves one thing.
i am alone, and will forever be alone. no frens, but enemies. theres no one i can trust.
depressed, sad, betrayed,
demspster
* I miss you * | 2:37 PM | comment?
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
did i ever say dat a dog's bark is worse than its bite? yup, dats it. this summarises my day.
depressed, lonely, pissed off,
dempster
* I miss you * | 3:15 PM | comment?
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
its time to get serious.
* I miss you * | 8:55 PM | comment?
Monday, April 18, 2005
I have something to announce...
*ahem*
...
I...
I got chosen as the contingent leader for the ADC in the Temasek Section!!!
i cant believe...my hard work really really REALLY paid off after all!
i cant wait to see Tomozaki Hidenori in person! so excited! wohoo!
happy, but at the same time depressed,
dempster
* I miss you * | 9:33 PM | comment?
gosh...today really sux...i got pissed off by a number of things...
1. ppl say ive been hallucinating in class when im actually not...i mean, wads their problem toking about someone like this? if they dunno anything about hallucination, then lay off! urrg...i juz hate this...even if i really DO hallucinate, its none of ur freaking business...yes, shaun lin, im toking about u...if u tink im hallucinating, then keep the damn comments to urself and go away...its not as if i want u to hear wad im toking about anyway...
2. the auntie in the bookshop claims dat the geog textbook is not here yet, and dat pisses me off a lot...i ordered it last wednesday, and up till now, ive not even got the damn book yet...and the bad thing is, today IS the geog test, but how am i gonna study for it when i dun even have the freaking textbook?! urrg...now dat its already over, i really feel like breaking the neck of the person who stole my book for no apparent reason...
3. daniel and akapong have been badmouthing me lately...i mean, come on, do u ever wanna be badmouthed in the first place? first they tok about me in front of my face, and when i tell them dun, they juz go far away from me and do it...wads ur freaking problem?? keep the comments to urself ok? imagine wad happenes when someone tok bad about u...u like it? of coz not rite? since u noe it, then dun f***ing do it! and another thing, dun say "u dunno anything" when u didnt even explain a damn thing at all...dun expect me to noe wad ure toking about all the time...if u noe im depressed and all and still wanna make fun of me, then f*** off.
oya, a note...kenneth, thnx so much for so called "defending" me today...i owe u one...
my life juz sux huh...
depressed,
dempster
* I miss you * | 4:13 PM | comment?
Sunday, April 17, 2005
some assholes have been spamming my tagboard...and they tink i dunno who they are...i dun wanna mention names here, but im gonna give them a good snap in the neck...i swear...
anyway, heck about these bastards...watched one piece today...sad to say, its getting more and more boring...its taking too long and up till now they have not even left the drum island yet...urrg...kids central sux...
on the contrary, though, arts central is becoming my in thing...now dat they feature animes for an hour at night on wednesdays to fridays, ive been staying up late juz to watch them...now they're showing last exile and shaman king...the quality is wayyyyyyyy better than dat of kids central's...original japanese version, along wif subtitles...while kids central's so called "animes" are dubbed in an uber bad way and there are no duals sounds or subtitles or wadsoever shit...now u see y i hate kids central...
okok, enough tok about animes...ive got a pile of newspaper articles i have to do, and i have to hand them in on tuesday...2 more days...haiz...im sooooo dead...
depressed,
dempster
* I miss you * | 1:12 PM | comment?
Saturday, April 16, 2005
the tagboard is back, after much tinking...i juz hope dat some irresponsible assholes wun ever impersonate as me and spam the damn tagboard...hey...i juz wanna have a peaceful blog...and u guys juz have to destroy it! urrg...
anyway...watch gundam seed today...its the last episode, and unlike the previous times i watched on the com, i cried a lil...the ending is juz...too touching not to cry...oh well...i am getting more and more softhearted...damn...
the ADC has chosen akapong and i as the contingent leaders...wohoo! my hard work really paid off after all...
my homework......wait...my homework...wad about my homework???
never mind about it, i guess......
depressed,
dempster
* I miss you * | 5:45 PM | comment?
Friday, April 15, 2005
life...has it always been gd? or bad...
today is wad i categorise as one of the most suckiest days in my life...y? first of all, im stuck at home for long hours wondering wad to do...yes, im freaking bored...even the set of saiyuki reload vcds didnt help me one bit...i juz fell asleep...
i had no one to go out wif tml, and dat makes things even worse...dat means dat i have to stay at this god-forsaken home doing all the stupid homeworks i have, and i have to listen to my mum nagging at me...i noe she cares for me, but urrg...sometimes i juz cant take it...
however, sometimes i do wonder...do i ever have the right to exist in this world, in this small little island called singapore? if so...then y issit dat wherever i go, ppl despise me or give me the stare i never wanna be given? y issit dat ppl always love to drag me into a corner and leave me there to rot? y is the society now so cold? y cant they give ppl a chance at least to prove themselves? haiz...this is one thing i will never noe...
now dat im stuck at home, i really dunno wad to do...i wun ever touch my hw coz i noe i'll leave them alone eventually...i juz dun like to do hw...it completely contradicts the purpose of homework time...give us homework time in the end still want us to do hw at home...wad the hell...
whenever i sit down and tink, it all comes back to me again...the qns i have in life...the outcomes of the mistakes i made...the way ppl treat me...they all haunt my mind...i am able to sleep, but not without dreams...and my dreams always have to be weird, but pessimistic...
depression is really taking its toll on me now...not even the world's best tranquilisers wil work on me...life...really sucks...
very depressed,
dempster
* I miss you * | 9:31 PM | comment?
Thursday, April 14, 2005
damn, the coffee is starting to lose its effect on me...now how am i gonna keep myself awake? haiz...
today was quite a tiring day...juz another boring daily routine in my life...first off was a maths...since i dropped a maths, i used this time to chiong my zuo ye...copy frolm my fren...blehz...love it too, coz its another time i can listen to mp3 apart from homework time...hehe...
next up was chemistry...haiz, can sleep one siaz...ok, skip this...
then its chinese...one period, but theres a lot to do...i was happy i finished my zuo ye before chinese, but my zao ju havent finish yet...left wif 1 stack..haiz...have to hand in tml some more...sianz...
ok, then its recess (ahh..finally...) im rather stuck up wif coffee recently, i always go to the "holy" vending machine located at the back of school canteen and bought a can of "blue mountain blend coffee"...i love it when its cold ^-^
after dat english...hm...did nothing much but oral...dats all...no choice, my oral too gd..haha, no lah...
then its the oh-my-gosh geog class...thought it was hell for me since i lost my textbook, but it turned out to be fun...especially when we got a chance to plant some sawi seeds using hydroponics...my rahman even wrote "we love sawi" on one of the cups...it was so hilarious...but wads the sad thing is dat we have to wait for 6 to 7 days in order to see some seedlings come out (seedlings some more...) haha...
finally, history...juz another lesson, no diff...mrs verma went over the skills on compare and contrast all over again (which was really redundant since ms neo recent taught us dat...haiz...mere regurgitation...haha...)
then its homework time...physics time was kinda boring since i didnt wanna do the hw, so i started drawing...but its not complete yet thanks to the chemistry time which was 45 minutes later...grr...ms woon always takes away my drawing time...
so in the end no choice...have to finish the worksheets mr eng and ms woon gave us...and i have to complete my drawing by today so i wun have to worry about losing inspiration...haiz..
super bz,
dempster
* I miss you * | 7:33 PM | comment?
Monday, April 11, 2005
i promised at my previous entry dat i would write about my dream here...but before dat..i have things to share...haha...
go to this link...its an album of the pictures i took from the internet and when i went out on saturday...
now...for the dream...
its a real weird dream, actually...i dunno, but its something like a scene from metal gear solid 2...i was hiding from the attacks the ninja delivered to me...then...it turned out dat the ninja seemed familiar...its like someone i noe of...but i had no choice...i had to kill him...in the end, the ninja was actually my brother...then...he kept slashing my wif his blade...i could feel the pain, but it wasnt bleeding at all...then...i took the blade from him, and plunged it all the way into him from the top of the back of his neck...not much blood came out, but he still died...i had no choice...he was after my life...when i held him, he slowly disappeared into thin air...dats when i cried bitterly...in my dream...and in real life...i even wet my pillow wif my tears...but no one knew about this...
life...really is cruel...isnt it...
depressed,
dempster
* I miss you * | 6:52 PM | comment?
